This is my first full week as an engineer. Before this week, the word engineer didn’t mean much to me. It was something other people were. The word was as nebulous as the word scientist. Both words are used liberally in the movies. The scientist the crazy pencilneck geek that in his hubris creates Godzilla or some other life threatening monstrosity. The engineer is that arrogant jerk who thinks he’s something special but in his infinite genius fails to design something usable to common man. It’s interesting that in both of my descriptions as seen from my point of view, pride is mentioned. It seems to indicate a jealousy on my part, does it not?
I needed to know what I am because I always felt displaced like I missed my calling. Or there wasn’t a place for me or I was just made wrong. Dissatisfaction in my work and unfulfilled in my life. I had plenty of reason to feel jealous.
In my search for my purpose I had come across advice on how to find your purpose but none of it seemed to yield any result. The best bit of advice I was exposed to said to look back to your young and and remember what you wanted to be when you grew up. Sadly, I never remembered knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up.
Recently in my tinkering, I realized that I liked things that look complex and that other people didn't. Somehow the term engineer came to mind and it seemed to fit. My whole life people who see me solve problems refer to me as MacGuyver and I haven't worked at a place where the name didn't up. Looking at the Wikipedia page, the third thing mentioned about the character after genius level intellect and languages is engineering. I don't know how I went almost 50 years without thinking of myself as an engineer. If only someone had to told me I should be an engineer when I was young.
I guess I will just have to start now..
What does all this mean? What am I going to do about it? Looking at my life and the things I have done and enjoyed, I can see I like solving problems of a technical and physical nature. It would appear that I'm a electromechanical engineer with no formal training in that discipline. I the past the things or solutions I have built have been done based on my intuition of how forces would interact and where in my structures. It's time for me to learn the math I was intuiting. My mind is uneducated and untapped. I need to put myself the path of problems that are worthy of my potential.
I haven't been this excited about something for some time.
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